Noah Matthew Burke

Noah Matthew Burke
Died on March 2, 2008
at the age of 4
He was Diagnosed with Autism at the age of 2 1/2
We moved to Ione in June of 2007 to start fresh and live a life long

dreamed of. My husband got a job on a 4,000 acre cattle ranch and

we were all quite happy.
Noah's sister, Chloe, was born in OCt. of 2006 so you can imagine my

hands were pretty full at that time.

On March 2nd,it was a Sunday, we all (Me, Noah, Chloe and Dad)

were home enjoying the day off. Dad was preparing his vehicle for a

new job he was starting. Oh, yeah, the man who hired us and

moved us out here decided he didn't need us anymore so that

meant we had to get a new job, a new place to live, and fast.

Luckily a rancher down the road had an opening. So, we were

preparing for this new job and move...again. Dad was outside

working on his vehicle so I put Chloe down for a nap and got Noah

dressed to go outside . I went out with him and watched him as he

played. He was a very curious, independant little 4 year old who

loved to be outdoors. His favorite place to be was in the tall grass

looking through. As if he were a Lion hunting in the Savannah.

Scrunching up his face in delight. It was still quite cold out but the

signs of Spring were begining to show. Noah had on Camoflauge

Pants and sweatshirt, and a rusty colred Carhart knit cap and

cowboy boots. As it warmed up and the sun came out I took the cap

off and went in and got him his new Go Diego Go Bicycle helmet

that his dad bought for him, and fit and put it on him. He loved it.

He wasn't going to ride a bike. He didn't know how...but Dad knew

he would love it. Diego was his favorite show. Animals were always

"his thing" After a bit I thought I should go in and check on Chloe

to see if she was still sleeping. I yelled to Dad to watch Noah and he

said "OK". I went inside and she was still asleep...so I peeked out the

door and saw Noah playing on the deck beside Dad. He was

laughing and shaking his head back and forth enjoying his big

helmet head. I smiled and went into the kitchen, but left the door

open. I washed a few dishes and peeked out the door again..Noah

was playing on the porch...that was the last I saw him. I ran out

and saw he was gone and yelled "Where's Noah Dad?" He said "I

thought he was with you." I ran out into the driveway and began

to yell his name. I was in immediate panic...I was yellinmg his

name, but I knew he would not answer. Noah only had a few words

in his vocabulary and would not respond most of the time. We

checked all of the spots we thought he might be and then proceeded

to call 911. As soon as people started coming I was in a dizzy spin. I

couldn't think, breathe, or hardly talk. I remember spouting out

things like, what he was wearing and that he doesn't respond to his

name...and that he has no reguard for his own safty. This was

about 2 o'clock. People kept coming to help look for the little lost

Autistic boy. Searching the area by way of 4-wheeler, Horseback,

and foot. The Sherrif kept asking me if there was anything they

could be doing that they weren't...I couldn't think of anything at

that time, of corse now there are a few things I wished we'd done

and crossings at the creek we should have guarded...I have a big

list of shoulda coulda woulda's that play through my head on those

awful days. At approx. 6pm someone located a tiny cowboy boot on

a small island out in the middle of Willow Creek (About 200 yards

from our house) The Sherrif came and got me to identify it as

Noah's. I ran out to hear my husband yelling "Sara, they found his

boot in the Creek!! In the Creek!"...I immediatly lost it. I Was

screaming and falling to the ground. "NO! NO! My baby, NO!" I

knew at that moment that I would never see him agian. At 3 oclock

the county sherrif's dept. had called in for National Guard help

and 2 Black Hawk Hellicopters were arrinving. They headed down

stream. They set up command post in my front yard and there were

people bringing food and supplies for the searchers. It was getting

dark and the searchers were getting tired. For a few hours I sat at

the window watching all of the flashlights out in the feilds and

listening to the Hellicopters flying overhead. It was an empty

bottomless, dark, and overwhelming feeling. The sound of

helicopters make me sick to my stomache. Then they had to call it

quits for the night. My worst nightmare had come true. I was

having to go to bed without tucking in my baby boy. I couldn't

sleep at all. I trembled at the thought of him floating down stream,

cold & alone. I shook until I couldn't stand it....I got up slipped on

my shoes and coat and ran outside...I screamed his name so loud it

hurt my ears. Then I fell to my knees. I asked God " why? Why my

baby? Why my baby?" I was very angry with God for letting this

happen. I was angry at myself for letting this happen. But most of

all I felt an empty very uncertain feeling in the depths of my heart.

So lost and downtrotted. A feeling that you know will never leave

you. "How would or could I ever feel happiness again, or how will I

go on with out him?" This consumed me for several days until the

reality of it all sunk in. And well, I have to say I have my beautiful

daughter to thank for helping me get through what had to be the

nightmare of all nightmares. She made me smile on the days I

thought I could not. She filled those empty spots in my heart with

warmth and love and most of all...a certainty of love and life that

cannot ever be taken away. Bless her dear little sweet heart. I

eventually fell asleep for an hour or so. When I woke to the alarm

clock., set for 6:30 am , the dive team was going to be starting at 7

and the only thing I could think to do at the time was get dressed

and call my pastor. She answered the phone half asleep. (she had

been here with me the day before. I didn't have to even say

anything..."do want me to come out?" I cried "Yes." When she

arrived the helicopters were starting out where they had left off. The

dive team was headed to the creek, and everyone (+) were showing

up with hope still in thier eyes. Me and Lea (my pastor) walked

down to the creek. She held my hand as we quietly approached the

bank. She asked me " Sara, what do you think happens when we

die?" Feeling a loss of words I looked up into the sky and said " Love,

love is the only thing that is eternal. We go where our love is. Here

we try to learn of love and live in love. When we go, we are love." I

was amazed I was able to put this into words seeing as the last 24

hours were filled with words I could not speak. She then asked if she

could have a moment there alone. As I walked back to the house I

had this feeling of lightness. Like I had been touched by God. I felt

and could almost see my little baby standing there holding God's

hand and smiling at me. Yesterday was a whirl wind and certainly

chaotic. However I felt a bit of tranquil peace this morning. At this

point I have to say a bit about the community I live in. Everyone

that could be here to help was. Any way they could. The help did

and still has not ceased. There were over 200 people including the

emergancy rescue, and National Guard, and people of the

surrounding towns. Even mothers of the kids in Noah's preschool

were out here late with flaslights and boots. I will never forget all of

the faces of the Angels that came to help. Later we were offered Job,

Housing, and someone even gave us a car. The schools put on a

spagetti feed that raised $14,000 in a matter of 3 days. Over all we

had $22,543.00 in donations. Which of coarse went twards his

service and everything that went with it. We also bought a family

plot next to him which I am so glad we did. Another mother, who

lost her baby, advised that that was something she was glad she

did. I couldn't think of a better place to be forever. OK so back to

the story. By 9 am they had found him 3 miles downstream. The black Hawk pilot spotted

something blue in the water just below the surface. Noah's Helmet.

They then came to the house to tell us I knew already but it was all

so sureal to me. I never saw him that morning. It was prob. better

that way . We saw him the day after ,Tuesday, at the mortuary.

They allowed us as much time as we needed. That was the sweetest

yet the hardest thing I have and will ever have to do. Say goodbye

to my son. He was so cold, so we put his favorite Finding Nemo

blaket around him. Then we read him his favorite story. Oh the

places you'll go by Dr. Suess. Then we gave him his favorite little

baby elephant, And I have to tell you, I know he was gone but I was

rubbing his head and stoking his hair and talking to him like he

was hearing me. I didn't know what to epect of myself as I walked

into that cold room. But as I entered I realized that this would be

our last time seeing his sweet little face and I couldn't let it pass me

by with fear. We said our sweet goodbyes and proceeded to make

the arrangements. There were as many if not more people at his

service as there were there that night looking for him. I was

amazed. We let balloons go, blew bubbles, and sang the saddest

songs I'll ever hear. It was perfect. To this day I will never forget the

family that all came and shared memories and helped us laugh.

Noah is still giving us gifts. I saw 3 shooting stars last
night after having a pretty tough day and I just know they were

for me.

Rest in peace little Angel Noah XOXOXO's